Factors of Codependency

Codependency is when people are controlling or otherwise overly involved in the lives of the people around them. Codependent people are brought down by and bring down the people around them because they don't let the people around them make their own decisions, but they also devote an unfair amount of their own time and resources to these people. There are a number of factors you should examine to determine whether someone is codependent.

Motivation

• While many people enjoy doing nice things for others, a codependent person takes this to a new level, doing so many nice things that they border on controlling. The motivation behind a codependent person's actions is more important than the action's themselves though. A person who is just nice does nice things for their own sake. A codependent person, however, does nice things for people because deep down, they think it will make people like them more.

Overdoing It

• There's being nice and there's being extreme. A codependent person is the latter, doing nice and "helpful" to an absurd extent. The best marker of whether you are nice or extreme is to observe if people are asking you to stop helping them. If people are asking, even begging you to stop doing favors for them, then you have taken it too far and are likely doing this more for yourself than for them. This is a key sign of codependence.

Relationship Role

• All relationships, whether they are romantic relationships, friendships or family relationships, should be emotionally equitable. If you survey your relationships and find that you are the "rock" in all of them, with your friends and family depending on you for support, kindness and general niceness, then you are probably codependent. It is all right to have some people rely on you some of the time, but if everyone relies on you all of the time, then there is a problem.

Enabling

• Codependent people need to be needed. This means that sometimes they keep the people around them in negative situations to keep themselves from becoming emotionally redundant. So, if you find yourself constantly helping people, listening to their problems and generally being there for them while also ignoring the big things that could make them able to function on their own, then you may be codependent. Nice people help the people around them; codependent people help themselves by keeping the people around them down.