How to Get an Emotionally Abusive Husband to Seek Help

Emotional abuse can take many forms in a relationship, including manipulation, control or superiority. The emotional abuser often has mood swings and his behavior is unpredictable. An emotional abuser may show disrespect or may exhibit passive aggressive characteristics such as playing the "silent game" in an attempt to punish you for perceived wrongs. Jessica Vincent, a family counselor with the Singapore National Children's Society says the emotional abuser will almost always refuse help when proposed by his spouse. The reason is that admitting wrong on the part of the abuser damages his ego. There are ways, however, to compel your emotionally abusive husband to seek help.

Instructions

• 1

  Seek help for yourself and your children. Getting help for yourself is sometimes the best way to compel your husband to seek help for himself. Seek out domestic support organizations in your community, including battered women shelters, social workers, or non-profit counseling and family assistance organizations. These organizations will help you establish a plan in the event you need to leave your husband and provide you with references and referrals to appropriate resources to help with the transition.

• 2

  Speak with your support representative or a counselor about your domestic situation and provide detailed accounts of the emotional abuse. Help for yourself and help for your husband are intertwined. Your counselor will help you determine whether it is safe to stay in the home or if you should leave at least temporarily until your husband seeks help.

• 3

  Plan a contingency to leave your home on a moment's notice if the emotional abuse turns threatening or escalates into physical abuse. Plan with your community support representative where to go. If you don't have relatives or friends you can trust, your community support representative will help you find public shelters. You will need to pack a bag for yourself and your children that includes clothing and personal hygiene items. Set the bag in a location where you can get to it easily.

• 4

  Get referrals from your community support representative for family therapists, counselors, anger management therapists and addictions therapists if drugs or alcohol contributes to the abuse. Talk with your community representative about whether or not you should speak to your husband about these programs in person or whether doing so might jeopardize your safety.

• 5

  Tell your husband about the therapy options available or use a mediator such as a social worker. In cases where your husband has threatened you or the abuse has escalated to physical violence, you should seek a restraining order. As part of the conditions for lifting the order, ask the court system to compel your husband to seek appropriate treatment and provide documented evidence of treatment and progress.

• 6

  Bring your children and attend family counseling separate from your husband. Family counseling will help deal with the trauma stemming from the emotional abuse. Your presence in counseling may suggest that he needs help, too.