Stages of Sadness

Everyone grieves in their own way. Some will exhibit only a few of the recognized stages of sadness while others will pass through each phase. There is no set order by which they will move from one stage to another. It is more important to understand the differences in the stages of sadness in order to identify them and know how to react.

Denial

• The denial stage presents an unwillingness to accept the cause of the grief. Some will ignore the fact of the situation entirely while they slowly let it sink into them. Others will react as if no one told them about the cause of the sadness. A period of denial is natural, especially after receiving extremely stressful news. If you notice the denial stage lasting excessively long, seek counseling to help work through the stage to a natural resolution.

Anger

• The anger stage is the easiest to identify. People facing this phase can be violent and destructive. They may lash out at the people around them physically or emotionally. They may become destructive with their personal property or with other people's property. Approaching someone in this stage of sadness can be dangerous, so stay alert and leave if you feel threatened. Try to minimize the physical damage done to their property where possible. If you witness them harming themselves or hear them threaten to do so, interject immediately and call the police. It may exacerbate their anger but it is more important to keep them safe.

Bargaining

• The bargaining stage is a deeply personal stage. It involves promises or compacts often made to a deity to which they feel close. Give them time to see this phase to its conclusion but remain available should they decide to reach out to you. This is a personal stage but it is not uncommon for people to include those to whom they are especially close. Do not try to interject against their desire to seek spiritual guidance during this phase as doing so could trigger a violent anger stage.

Depression

• The depression stage resembles the emotional condition from which it derives its name. They may withdraw from the company of others; emotional outbursts such as crying are possible. Much like the bargaining stage, remain close enough so they can reach out to you should they desire. Watch them carefully for any signs of self-inflicted injuries and if you see any evidence of these, contact the authorities immediately. If you want to be safe, remove anything that they could use to hurt themselves.

Acceptance

• Acceptance is the final stage of the sadness process. This is the stage where people accept what has happened and see that their lives continue beyond the event that triggered the sadness. Once they have reached this stage, do not confront them with the process that they have just experienced. Let them come to you about their sadness.