The Effects of the Death of a Loved One

Knowing what to expect when someone close to you is experiencing the death of a loved one gives you a chance to support her and try to understand what she is feeling. Human emotions related to the pain of loss go through stages, and knowing where a person is in her grieving process can tell you how to help her through the experience.

Denial

• The most common form of denial is delayed emotion. It is when people act as if they feel no sense of loss as they begin processing the reality of the situation. During the initial stages of this form of denial, let them have their time and do not force the issue. They may focus on specific tasks, like cleaning their house or performing other daily rituals meant to put off facing the situation. If you see that this stage is lasting too long, sit down with them and discuss the fact of the loss.

Anger

• If you force those who are grieving through the denial process too quickly, you can bring about this stage immediately. This is a dangerous stage where they are prone to lashing out or even damaging property. Your primary responsibility during this phase is to minimize the damage, practicing patience and tolerance if they act out during this stage. They are dealing with a powerful range of emotions and are prone to saying hurtful things that are not necessarily indicative of their real feelings.

Bargaining

• While in the bargaining phase, you will often see those who are grieving go through a spiritual phase in which they offer personal reformation to avoid the loss. This is primarily a personal stage and often occurs privately. Give them their privacy and allow them to see this phase through to the end.

Depression

• This is a natural part of the grieving process; avoid trying to cheer them up or rush them through this phase. Depression is the actual method of processing grief. Stay with them and let them lead the conversation through this stage.

Acceptance

• During this final stage, those who have experienced the death of loved ones come to accept their losses and accept the reality of mortality. Let them get their lives back to normal. Avoid dwelling on their stages of grief or anything said or felt during the other stages. They may apologize for their actions during the stages of grief.

Order of Phases

• Everyone faces grief in their own ways. Some go through each of the steps while others experience only a few. The order can differ.