Grief & Grievance Stages

The stages of grief are a natural psychological process that persons who recently lost a loved one or something of value go through. Whether the item, person or even place lost is large or small, the intensity of the stages of grief has less to do with the feelings one has toward something, but rather the prevalence of something in their life.

Shock

• In the Kübler-Ross model for the stages of grief, the first stage is shock. Often times, shock will show itself as apathy to news. Other times, it will manifest itself in a minor physical shock, such as the whitening of skin or dilation of pupils. The treatment for this stage of grief is to sit down and be in a place of safety, so that the news of loss can sink in. The reason people naturally take persons who are about to enter the stages of grief into a quiet area is to minimize the experience of shock.

Denial

• The second stage in the Kubler-Ross cycle is denial. In this stage, the person experiencing loss will pretend that they did not get the news of the loss. This often manifests itself as continuing in daily affairs that should be prevented because of the loss. For example, a person whose mother just passed away may, in denial, go to work that day and act as if nothing is wrong. Strangely enough, one of the ways to move a person out of denial is to provoke them into anger.

Anger

• The third stage of grief in the Kubler-Ross cycle is anger. Anyone and everyone may be blamed for the loss. The person experiencing loss is trying to understand why this loss affects them and not others. Giving the person a little space will help move them from anger into the next phase.

Bargaining

• The fourth stage in the Kubler-Ross cycle is bargaining. Bargaining consists of trying to make a deal with persons or even God to trade something else valuable for the lost item. The way to help someone move through bargaining is to gently remind them of the reality of the lost item. This will, hopefully, help them into the next phase of depression.

Depression

• The fifth stage of grief in the Kubler-Ross grief model is depression. This is the final phase before acceptance and is the stage at which the impact of the loss begins to become understood. This could result in being absent from work, suicidal behaviors and the lack of contact with others. The best way to help someone move through this stage is to make sure they keep moving. This means, helping the person get to work, and making sure that he or she occasionally communicates with others. At some point, they will begin to see the possibility of happiness in their future, and will move into the acceptance stage. Acceptance is the healthy end to the grief cycle.