How to Control Behavior

No one is perfect. As human beings we have all had instances in which we may have acted out inappropriately or unkindly. As a parent you may have suffered the shame and embarrassment of your child throwing a full-blown temper tantrum in public. Whether it is managing the behavior of our children, our own anger, or a classroom full of students, behavior modification techniques exist that can help turn a bad day into a better day. With some knowledge, persistence and patience you can get a grip on poor behavior and turn things around to the positive.

Things You'll Need

• Patience
• Persistence
• Teamwork

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Instructions

Recognize the Signs

• 1

  Recognize the fact that you are out of control. This is the first step in learning to modify inappropriate behavior. Read your body's signs: when you are out of control you may feel short of breath, hot or cold. You may experience a tensing of the muscles, especially those in the neck and shoulder area. You may involuntarily clench your hands, or even feel dizzy or like crying. Pay attention to your particular physical signs of stress so you know when you need to actively control your behavior.

• 2

  Call for a time out. Take a break. Get away from the situation that is causing you distress. It is OK to say "I'm feeling upset right now and need to excuse myself for a bit." By doing this you are respecting what you are feeling in the moment, and respecting others by not contributing negatively to a situation.

• 3

  Breathe. Physical manifestation like feeling out of breath, dizziness and tension are the body's signals that it is not getting enough oxygen. Give breathing your full attention. Breathe slowly and steadily in through your nose and blow the breath out of your mouth. Sit in a relaxed position with your back supported and breathe 10 in-and-out breaths. Giving yourself this time to calm any physical anxiety will help you get a handle on the situation.

Helping Children Understand Negative Behavior

• 4

  Make sure children know what types of behavior are negative or inappropriate and why they are so. Work to make explanations age-appropriate. If you are having difficulty, consult your pediatrician, a child counselor, clergy or join a parenting group.

• 5

  Explain the consequences of negative behavior. Counter the explanation with an explanation of rewards for positive behavior. Make sure all explanations, rewards and consequences are age-appropriate.

• 6

  Follow through. If you tell a child he will have a five-minute time-out for negative behavior, give the time out. If you promise your class they will get 10 extra minutes of recess for good behavior, be sure to give the reward. When you keep your word, you are teaching trust and responsibility.

Controlling Anger

• 7

  Recognize the anger and take a time out. When you are finally calm, express the reason you are angry using "I" statements. An "I" statement is non-threatening because in using it a person takes responsibility for his own feelings. An "I" statement includes "When you_____, I feel_____ because_____." Use an "I" statement when expressing feelings rather than saying something like "You made me mad!"

• 8

  Focus on solutions rather than blame. Blaming others often further inflames a situation. Instead, brainstorm ways the situation could be resolved. Involve everyone who has a part in the incident or situation. Respect each person's point of view and suggestions.

• 9

  Exercise the anger away. Use a form of non-violent physical exertion like swimming, running, biking, walking or dancing to diffuse your anger. Ease the tension and stress in your body before trying to talk about a situation that upset you.