Home Remedy for Commitment Fears

Commitment fears are broadly defined as an unwillingness to advance a relationship (or enter into an "official" relationship) to the next level. Whether it be marriage, cohabitation, or an exclusive romantic relationship, commitment fears primarily hide deeper, more serious issues. However, these issues can be resolved if you're willing to confront them.

Symptoms

• According to the article, "A Little Thing Called Fear of Commitment," a number of signs point to the fact that you may have a fear of commitment. If you find yourself often involved with people who are emotionally, physically, intellectually or otherwise unavailable, you may have a fear of commitment. In a way, involvement with these types of people covers a number of other fears such as fear of getting "too close" out of fear of rejection or fear of "settling down" in terms of making a mistake with the choice of a life partner. If you sat down and thought about your perfect partner, what happens? Do you have a three-page list of qualities that must be met? Or do you come up with a complete blank? Many people find that their fears of committing often come from their own past experiences. People who come from divorced families, people who have had traumatic break-ups in the past, and those who have deep-rooted fears of failure and loss often have trouble with commitment.

  Be honest with yourself. Think about what commitment means to you, without considering what it may mean to your partner (if you're involved with someone). You may discover that your ideas of commitment and your expectations vary from your partner's or they may all be one sided and negative. Keep these in mind while we look at some of the deeper fears commitment fears attempt to hide.

Deeper Fears

• Toni Coleman's article "Fear of Commitment" states many experiencing a fear of commitment also fear losing their sexual, social or financial freedom; being eventually rejected, or becoming involved in a bad marriage or relationship. And although many of these issues intimately involve your own past and your own feelings, never disregard your wants and needs in a relationship. If you fear that your partner is not the right person for you, you need to closely consider if your relationship is satisfying or not.

  Be honest with your partner about your feelings. Talk to your friends, your spiritual adviser, or a counselor if the problem is becoming overwhelming. You may discover that your fears are entirely unfounded and you are letting them get the best of you, or you may discover that there is an overall problem with your relationship that needs to be resolved, or you may need to move on.

Solutions

• The article "A Little Thing Called Fear of Commitment" suggests that "commitment-phobes" be honest with themselves and their partner. If you can't think of the things you would want in a lasting relationship, think of the things you definitely wouldn't want.

  Exchange ideas with your partner about the issue, and make sure that you each don't take things personally. Long-term, committed relationships can work, provided that you and your partner speak openly (and frequently) about what's working and what's not working in your relationship. Commitment doesn't have to mean that you lose your freedoms nor does it have to mean that the rest of the world is now "off-limits". The joys of being in a long-term relationship are many as long as you and your partner are willing to grow into the relationship together.