Grieving Tips

Grief is the normal and natural response to any loss. It's common to grieve over the death of someone close such as a family member or friend. But other significant losses cause grief as well such as the death of a pet, moving to a new town, a life-threatening illness, or the end of a relationship. Most importantly is to allow yourself to experience the grieving process effectively.

Time

• Grieving will take time. No one ever grieves the same. According to Dr. Alan Wolfelt, grief isn't something anyone gets over. Instead grieving is part of someone's life in varying degrees as the months and years pass. Grieving is personal, so don't assume you should grieve the same way as others. There's a void in your life now, and you need time process your loss.

Crying

• Crying can make you feel like a load has been lifted. It's the healthiest expression of grief, according to Dr. William DeFoore. Crying can lead to deep, long sobbing. It's more than just tears. Through sobbing, Dr. DeFoore says you're releasing the deep pain you feel because of your loss. You may cry and sob many times. Crying among those you trust and crying alone are both healthy ways to grieve.

Remember

• As you grieve, you'll have good days and bad days. Some of the hardest times may be during significant days such as holidays, birthdays, anniversaries and the day of the death. This is okay. Remember the one you loved often and whenever you need to remember him. Look through photo albums, tell stories and journal your memories.

Support

• Have someone, or a group of people, around who will listen to your feelings and memories. You want people with whom you feel safe sharing your feelings and memories. They should understand your need to talk things out. You may want to consider grief counseling. It can be difficult to grieve alone when you're already feeling alone because of your loss. What you feel isn't right or wrong. They're your feelings, so don't turn to alcohol or drugs when you feel overwhelmed by them. Talk with someone you trust.

New Identity

• Parts of your identity are because of your relationships. Your self-image changes when you lose someone you had a relationship. If you were a husband who lost his wife, your role in the family has changed. Someone you once depended on and who depended on you is gone, and you now have to assume new roles as a single dad and "Mr. Mom." Although the change is different for everyone, you can also find a new strength and confidence within yourself. You'll even discover things you didn't know about your wife that may make you cherish the time you had with her even more.