Effective Treatment for Verbal Abusers

Not unlike physical abuse, patterns for verbal abuse follow a cycle in which both participants play a part. Certain triggers, topics or situations may inevitably lead to confrontation. Effective treatment for verbal abusers entails identifying the role abuse plays within a couple's communication process. Awareness of the role each partner plays is the first step toward developing new ways of communicating.

Identification

• As with any abuser-victim cycle, the pattern can only continue when two willing participants are present. Why a person would choose to mistreat the person closest to them can be explained by how that person feels about himself. Not unlike physical abuse, verbal abuse is passed down from generation to generation. As such, treatment attempts are most effective when a person is motivated to change.

Function

• Effective treatment for verbal abusers works to guide the client toward self acceptance and self awareness. As with most behavior patterns, the reason for an abuser's behavior is rooted in self preservation. Blame and defensiveness are the abuser's primary weapons, allowing the abuser to justify his/her actions, beliefs and whatever consequences the victim may suffer. Self awareness comes into play when the client can identify his/her need to blame, and his/her need to defend his/her stance as a self-protective mechanism. Self acceptance becomes possible when the client can view these behaviors objectively, and understand where they come from.

Causes

• The source of a verbal abuser's behaviors most likely lies inside a childhood where abuse was the primary mode of communication within the home. Not surprisingly, the victim's childhood shows a similar communication style. Power and control represented how relationships were run, leaving children to follow the standards set by parental figures. Effective treatment entails helping the client to connect the dots in terms of how he/she has modeled his/her behaviors. Oftentimes, this realization alone may provide a cathartic effect which allows for an internal shift in self-identity.

Treatment Objectives

• As with most behavioral patterns, there are certain buttons, or triggers, which set the course for behavioral expressions of anger. Effective treatment for verbal abusers helps the client identify specific areas where the need for control results in verbal abuse. These can be areas surrounding finances, work, or socializing with others. As the need to control is a defensive measure, helping the client identify why a particular situation makes him/her feel threatened paves the way for a more objective perspective.

Considerations

• Effective treatment for verbal abusers must include the victim, and his/her role in perpetuating the cycle of abuse. The victim is typically quick to take responsibility for unreasonable accusations, enabling abusive behavior. This, coupled with the emotional and psychological damage that can be inflicted, makes the victim's need for treatment that much more important. Both partners must be motivated and open to the process in order for treatment to be effective.