How to Identify the Five Signs of Abusive or Controlling Behavior

Sometimes it is difficult to identify controlling or abusive behavior in a relationship. Sometimes, the behavior can be mistaken for the person having a bad day or just their personalities. Read on to learn how to identify the five signs of abusive or controlling behavior.

Things You'll Need

• An open mind to try to see behavior in an objective manner

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Instructions

• 1

  Look at the physical aspect of the relationship. Any behavior that involves coercion through physical touching, grabbing, holding, slapping, kicking, pushing, punching or threatening with any type of weapon fits into the controlling or abusive category. There is never an excuse for using physical coercion or abuse, and it's never the victim's fault if the abuser decides to use such behavior.

• 2

  Look at the environmental aspect of the relationship. Examples of this are if things of value are broken or shattered, purposefully punching a wall, or hitting a table. These are actually tactics designed to intimidate.

• 3

  Look at the verbal aspect of the relationship. This behavior ranges anywhere from general put-downs to derogatory comments, name calling and verbal threats. It's purpose is to oppress and demean.

• 4

  Look at the sexual aspect of the relationship. This behavior varies on a continuum. The lower end involves the right to say no. Moving up the scale, it involves coercing someone to engage in sexual activity through verbal or behavioral means.

• 5

  Look at the psychological aspect of the relationship. Permission is required to pursue goals. There is an isolation from family and friends, authority with children is undermined, opinions are discounted or ignored, and things of importance are devalued.