Grief Counseling Theory

Grief is a universal human experience, and grief counseling provides the tools and resources to incorporate the losses in our lives in ways that foster hope, healing and a sense of peace. Instead of ignoring, hiding or fighting the pain of grief, you learn to recognize and accept your feelings and move toward embracing a new relationship with who---or what---you have loved and lost.

Who Benefits

• Grief counseling is appropriate for anyone who is struggling with a sense of loss. It addresses everything from the death of a person or pet to the loss of a job, home and even a limb. If you have a stroke and lose mobility in your right hand, the depth of your grief could be far greater if you are a concert pianist than if you are an accountant. A loss can be intangible as well, such as a loss of faith, confidence or a lifelong dream.

Features

• Depending on your preference, grief counseling can be done individually or in groups with a therapist, counselor or pastor, some of whom may have specialized training in bereavement. There is no set time frame, nor are there firm rules, procedures or protocols. A grief counselor provides a safe space to express feelings such as guilt, anger or confusion and accompanies you on your journey toward wholeness and healing.

Misconceptions

• In "The Grief Recovery Handbook," authors John W. James and Russell Friedman assert that the adage "time heals" is false and responsible for significant heartache. Staying busy, putting on a brave front and explaining away your feelings rather than dealing with them directly will all delay your healing. Additionally, delayed grieving can result in a host of physical ailments ranging from anxiety, insomnia, depression, loss of energy and even heart disease. Grief is a normal process---needing help does not make you "weak"---but the stigma associated with seeking support can hamper recovery.

Theories

• Elizabeth Kubler-Ross's book "On Death and Dying" defined the five stages of grief as denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. In recent years, however, this paradigm has been criticized as perhaps too rigid to apply universally to the grieving process. James and Friedman conclude that there are no predetermined stages of grief; the manifestations of loss and the feelings involved are as varied as the individuals experiencing them.

Finding Help

• Deciding whether you would benefit from professional support is an individual process. No one fully understands what you are feeling except you. For some, the act of journaling, sharing their stories of loss and leaning on their faith is sufficient. For others, having a professional partner guide them on their journey helps ensure that they complete the emotional work necessary to integrate the loss into their daily lives and emerge stronger from the process. To locate a grief counselor in your area, go to psychologytoday.com and select "Find a Therapist." Help and healing are readily within reach.