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Activities to Teach Teens to Think Before They Speak

Teaching teens self-control starts long before they become teenagers. Today's culture exerts many pressures on kids ranging from expectations for high achievement from parents and teachers to overloaded schedules. Teens use anger, aggression, bullying and speaking before they think as outlets for letting off steam with little regard for the consequences. You can help your kids learn self-control by teaching by example and providing them with exercises when they're very young to train them to think first.

  1. Self-discipline

    • Learning self-discipline is a crucial life skill, according to Harvard Medical School professor Robert Brooks, who has written extensively on teaching kids about building self-esteem, self-discipline and resilience. Teaching teens to control themselves and stop themselves from instantly acting out with feelings or words gives them the ability to edit their thoughts first, says Brooks. They'll be better equipped to improve their performance at school and handle themselves in relationships with adults and peers.

    Count to 10

    • Everyone gets angry, and sometimes it's difficult for a teen to control how he reacts. If his tendency is to speak or yell first and think later, have him practice self-control by counting slowly to 10 first before he says or does anything. The few seconds it takes to count to 10 provides space for him to regain his emotions and dignity.

    Deep Breathing

    • Breathing deeply helps to oxygenate a teen's brain and blood and keeps the teen consciously connected to his body. Anger often releases adrenalin and triggers a fight-flight reaction, encouraging the teen to act first and think later. Have your teen take the time to breathe deeply while counting to 10, 20 or higher. Instruct him to feel and visualize the breath moving through his body, revitalizing him. Each breath he takes provides a few seconds for him to distance himself from whatever it is that makes him want to respond instantly. It allows him time to think about what he'd like to say, rather than blurting out something that may not make sense. Breathing deeply also is an excellent exercise if he tends to be the class clown or a jokester, who repeatedly speaks out of turn.

    Create an Anchor

    • Anchoring is a neuro-linguistic programming, or NLP, technique that allows your teen to recall a pleasant memory that is associated with a particular stimulus, the anchor. When he creates an anchor, it provides him with a reflexive response to whatever is going on around him. For example, he can create an easy anchor to help him with self-control by simultaneously making a fist with one hand and recalling a time in his past when he felt good about himself. Have him do this repeatedly whenever he thinks about it, at least five or six times a day or more often. After he has embedded the idea in his subconscious, he can use his anchor whenever he needs it in situations calling for self-control. Have him simply make a fist when he feels like speaking out of turn or in anger. The action of making the fist will help his subconscious mind connect with that past experience when he felt good about himself and help him stop and think first before speaking out. Making a fist is only one of many actions he can do to create an anchor. Other ideas are snapping his thumb and middle finger together once, pinching himself, scratching the side of his nose or ear, and so on. Have him choose a simple action that he can remember easily when under stress.

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