How to Not Worry About Others' Opinions

Healthy relationships require empathy and a willingness to adapt. However, if you readily change your opinions to fit in with the crowd, or if you have a tendency to worry obsessively about being judged for how you look, what you say, or the things you do, you may be a people-pleaser. According to clinical psychologist Linda Tillman, Ph.D., people-pleasers' "personal feeling of security and self-confidence is based on getting the approval of others." In order to not worry about others' opinions in an unbalanced way, you will need to do some inner work and set some firm boundaries.

Instructions

• 1

  Write out your top five core values. Some examples of core values may include: believing in God, caring for the environment, supporting social justice, being honest, or actively participating in government. Commit yourself to stand up for these core values the next time they come up in conversation. Visualize yourself voicing your opinions in a crowd, regardless of how people may react. Practice giving your opinions out loud in private, as this builds confidence for the moment when the spotlight is on you. Realize it won't kill you if people disagree, or even frown at you, when you stand up for what you believe.

• 2

  Create a few mantras that you can repeat internally when you begin to feel worry over what people may be thinking. Some common, relevant mantras include, "Everyone is NOT looking at me," or, "What I think matters as much as what anyone else thinks." Say these as often as possible, until you really believe them. Practice saying your mantras out loud at home so you will have them memorized and ready to use as positive self-talk when you are in a crowd.

• 3

  Exercise your ability not to worry about others' opinions by going to the grocery store with no makeup on, fetching your mail in your pajamas, or asserting your own desires in safe, nurturing relationships. This will help you build up your tolerance for responses other than full agreement and approval.

• 4

  Assume people are thinking positive thoughts toward you. Stop trying to guess what other people are thinking about you and actively practice thinking positive thoughts about others, as people tend to believe others' are behaving the same way they do in similar circumstances. If you aren't critical of others, it will be easy to believe that they are not critical of you.