How to Calm Your Temper

A bad temper creates a variety of problems for people and can impact their quality of life. The aggressive behaviors people exhibit when they feel angry cause problems. Failed relationships, lost jobs and legal problems often motivate people to learn ways to control their tempers. Physical aggression includes violent behaviors such as hitting, throwing things, punching holes in walls or breaking things. Verbal aggression includes threatening, yelling, name calling and saying hurtful things. Learning new behaviors helps people manage their anger and express their feelings in positive ways.

Instructions

• 1

  Create a list of problems caused by a bad temper. Aggressive behaviors negatively impact relationships, work, physical health and mental health. Aggression may create embarrassing outbursts such as yelling at a store clerk or exhibiting road rage in front of a co-worker. Sometimes people regret these behaviors after they have calmed down.

• 2

  Create a list of what is gained from aggressive behaviors. Sometimes people report their temper helps them get their needs met or gives them more energy. Identify how learning new strategies and behaviors could meet those needs without the same consequences as the aggressive behaviors. For example, learning how to ask for help rather than yelling and demanding action may result in a more positive outcome.

• 3

  Learn how to recognize the physiological symptoms that accompany anger. People tend to experience symptoms such as increased heart rate, clenched jaw or fists, feeling hot in the face or neck, shaking and sweating. Recognize when angry feelings begin to reach dangerous levels helps people intervene quickly to prevent themselves from becoming explosively angry.

• 4

  Take a time out from the situation as soon as physiological symptoms begin. Avoid engaging in an argument or continuing any heated discussions. As anger levels increase, the ability to be rational and logical decreases. Attempting to problem-solve or constructively engage in conflict resolution becomes too difficult when feeling really angry. Walk away and spend some time calming down.

• 5

  Practice strategies to help calm down in a short period of time. Deep breathing helps some people relax. Engaging in another activity, such as listening to music, drawing or reading, helps distract from anger. Participate in physical activity such as going for a walk or working in the garden. Experiment with various coping strategies to learn what works best.

• 6

  Identify the thoughts that trigger the feelings of anger, for example, "I have to show him that he cannot disrespect me like that." Replace these thoughts with more calming thoughts such as, "I am in control of my behaviors." Calming thoughts help reduce angry feelings and prevent angry outbursts.

• 7

  Rejoin the situation when feeling calmer. When people feel calm they are better able to think rationally and communicate more effectively.