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Tough Love Tips

Tough love, a pop psychology concept that originally referred to a parent's stern treatment of an unruly child, has expanded to include any technique that involves assertively setting strong boundaries with people you care about to get them to behave differently. In particular, tough love is used for treatment for addictions. The idea is that the addict must be made to face the unpleasant consequences of her addiction to recover from it.

  1. Tough Love Tips for Parents

    • A parent should identify the reasons for a child's misbehavior when determining the form of punishment that will be most effective. If the child is merely tired or hungry, tough love is not the best strategy. Tough love is a last-resort form of discipline for ongoing and severe behavioral issues. Once tough love appears to be the best option, the first step is to no longer enable the child. This means making the child face the consequences of her actions. For example, if a teenager continually is skipping school, the parent should insist that the child serve whatever punishment the school requires rather than intervening on the child's behalf. For tough love to be effective, it's mandatory to be firm with the child without being cruel; don't back down. Finally, treat the child or teen with respect, and let him know that you expect to be treated with respect in return.

    Tough Love in Treating Addictions

    • Tough love has become a common strategy in helping people overcome addictions. The ultimate act of tough love shown toward an addict is the intervention. In an intervention, the addict's friends and family members confront the addict with the consequences of her behavior and demand that she seek treatment. When staging the intervention, enlist the help of a licensed therapist or addictions counselor. Also, be sure that an intervention is the best strategy -- some addicts respond better to an empathy-centered approach.

    Tough Love at Work

    • Tough love is primarily known as a technique for reforming unruly teens and confronting addicts. However, mental health professionals have found tough love applications beyond this. The tough love technique can be applied in any situation in which it is important to establish firm boundaries yet assume a kind demeanor. These types of behaviors include setting limits to unreasonable demands, couching criticism within praise and acting as a positive role model.

    Pitfalls of Tough Love

    • Exceptionally sensitive or vulnerable people might react in a negative way to tough love, no matter how noble the intention of the practitioner. Before attempting the tough love strategy, know the temperament of the person you're dealing with and consult a licensed mental health counselor for the best approach.

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