How to Set Psychological Boundaries

Setting psychological boundaries is a necessary self preservation and defense mechanism that may have been damaged by abuse in early childhood. If resistance would have only caused more emotional distress, then it is easier to keep boundaries out of the equation when we are helpless children. The lack of psychological boundaries does not need to be a lifelong problem and there are steps that you can take to arm yourself and set healthy boundaries for your relationships. This sets clear lines between yourself and others.

Instructions

• 1

  Recognize the problem. This is first step in developing psychological boundaries. You must first admit you have a problem before you can start to reverse the damage. Like many alcoholics and drug users, it is admission of the problem, and a willingness to seek help that starts the healing process. This cannot be forced on anyone. Setting psychological boundaries is a choice. You cannot help others, including loved ones, unless you are healthy yourself.

• 2

  Learn to love yourself unconditionally. A refusal to set appropriate psychological boundaries is often due to self hatred or self loathing. Many people believe they deserve the poor treatment they are receiving, and this could not be further from the truth. Loving yourself unconditionally helps you learn how to love others unconditionally. Many people grew up feeling that they were unlovable or lovable only in certain circumstances. This perpetuates a lifelong feeling of being worthless or unlovable. Therefore, boundaries were never set, and individuals were free to mistreat you.

• 3

  Look for examples of psychological boundaries that are healthy and choose to emulate the ones that are important to you. Some examples might include refusing to break the law or sticking to your guns when it comes to your chosen moral ethics. This requires a strong sense of self and identity. When setting a boundary, be firm but not rigid. This might feel awkward and uncomfortable in the beginning but over time, setting boundaries will garner the respect of others and help you to feel empowered.

• 4

  Choose to introspect, or look inside. Introspection is necessary to truly understand your motivations, why you behave the way you do, why you think and feel the way you do, and taking an active stance in reversing self talk or actions that are damaging.

• 5

  Release the grief and hatred that is preventing you from healing and developing healthy boundaries with other people. Forgiveness is a critical step in releasing negative emotions from the past that hold you prisoner in the present. Keep in mind that forgiveness does not excuse the behavior of others, but it frees you from the emotional bondage that hatred and a lack of forgiveness can cause. Imagine drinking poison and expecting others to die. This is what happens when people refuse to forgive and release negative emotions. Setting psychological boundaries is a process of healing that takes time and reflection. Seek the assistance of a professional counselor or clergy if you need help with this process and good luck paving the road to recovery.