How to Recover From a Negative Family History

Families are the best place for gaining foundational experience to set out in the world as a competent, confident person. Some families are safe, sane, happy and all members move into happy and efficient lives with a number of social and other skills in place. A large majority of families will have at least one issue involving communication problems, addictions or abuses. A few suffer greatly from a serious mistake made by a family member. Whatever the root of pain, grief and discomfort, healing is available. When a person chooses to release the past, forgiveness plays a key role in healing.

Things You'll Need

• Well-being books or audiotapes
• Meditation books and music

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Instructions

Forgiveness

• 1

  Clarify your intention in your mind. Formulate thoughts focused on healing and the desire to recover. Everyone deserves the chance to heal, and when a person is very clear about the goal, everything else begins to fall into place.

• 2

  Writing can help a person face the negative and positive elements of the past.

  List all your grievances in a journal. Name every person and every action or event that seemed to cause you pain or suffering. Start with the hardest and worst. Note how each person is related to you (sister, mom, uncle or other family members).

• 3

  Write down how or why each person or event hurt you. Make the notes next to each name, action or event. Add additional information regarding any fear you may have experienced and specific outcomes you endured.

• 4

  Write down anything else you want, taking as many hours or days as you need. The more details you release on paper, the faster you will move into healing. The goal is to get it all out.

• 5

  Set aside the work for three days. Wait, then return to your list. Read it all. You may already notice your reaction is changing.

• 6

  Go down the list, one person and item at a time. Say aloud, "I forgive ____." When you stumble and cannot seem to do this for any particular person or event, skip it. You're making progress, and can return again to this work at any time.

• 7

  Review all that you have written. Once you have completed the spoken forgiveness, having chosen to overlook and let go of each and every person and memory that caused you pain, burn the papers. This symbolically releases you, and everyone on your list.

Moving Forward

• 8

  Release the past. Start with small steps growing upon the work above. Having begun the very basic forgiveness work, it's time turn your focus to yourself at this point in time. Become conscious of your every day actions and thoughts. Take responsibility for all of them. You do not want to cause further pain for yourself and others, rather remove obstacles to your joy.

• 9

  Build present moments and work toward your future gradually. Anytime a negative memory comes to the forefront, you can choose to let it go with no further emotional involvement, or delve fully into it and feel it completely. It will pass more rapidly each time.

• 10

  Play some very relaxing music and create a meditative state. Practice affirmations and proclamations that empower you and assist you in being fully present in each new moment. Simple ones include, "I am healing." "My heart is light." "Life supports me."

• 11

  Call a trained psychologist or alternative healing practitioner if you are unable to do such work alone. Also, contact your religious or spiritual advisers to assist with helping remain focused on the present, while anticipating a healed and happy future.

• 12

  Read whatever articles and books you can find that teach about true healing at the mental, physical and spiritual levels. These support materials will have further suggestions and techniques from which to choose.

• 13

  Find a support group, especially if drug, alcohol and sexual abuse has been involved. And remember: YOU are not your family; you can heal and be able to lead a positive, satisfying life.