How to Develop a Healthy Attitude Toward Conflict

Conflict arises when two or more people with different personalities and expectations reach a figurative impasse. It can also happen within yourself when you're faced with a delicate and/or complex situation that needs to be resolved. It's easy in the heat of conflict to give in to anger, frustration, pride and fear, but none of these reactions will lead to a positive outcome. Adjusting your perception of what a conflict really is, and recognizing the positive opportunities lying hidden within every conflict, will help develop a healthier, proactive attitude.

Instructions

Conflict With Others

• 1

  Acknowledge and accept the fact that while you can't control the behavior of others, you can control the emotional response you have to their behavior. Minimize stress when dealing with difficult people by letting go of the false belief that you can somehow alter their beliefs and/or personality traits.

• 2

  Consider a conflict a potentially positive opportunity to air pent-up frustrations and forge a compromise, rather than a "fight" that you must "win." Listen respectfully to what the other person's grievances are, and then convey your issues with the person or situation in a mature fashion. Follow this by working with the person to forge a solution that respects the needs and/or wants of both parties.

• 3

  Avoid demonizing or dehumanizing the person with whom you are in conflict. Practice compassion by considering possible traumatizing life events, hardships and mental or physical illnesses the other person may have experienced. Further consider how these trials and tribulations may have shaped their personality and brought them into conflict with you.

Conflict With Yourself

• 4

  Discuss the issue or issues causing you conflict with a trusted friend or family member whose opinion you respect. Avoid rambling complaints, instead getting straight to the specific issue or issues at hand and any obstacles involved in resolving the problem. If possible, seek advice from multiple trusted relatives or friends to compare different responses and choose the best path to resolution.

• 5

  Write down every realistic, possible course of action you can take to resolve your personal conflict. Follow this by writing at least three pros or cons involved with each potential course of action. Compare the effectiveness and likelihood of achievement for each course of action to select your best approach.

• 6

  Avoid negative self-talk and unreasonable expectations when attempting to deal with your conflict. Consider your personal conflict an opportunity to grow, to cease behavior patterns that no longer work and to facilitate positive change. Avoid negative self-talk and unreasonable expectations during this period of assessment.