Personal Conflict Styles

Identifying your personal conflict style could help you to understand and improve the way you handle difficult situations, which could be useful in lowering your stress levels. Personal conflict style management refers to the way that people behave when they are met with arguments or disagreements. It is often used to analyse the relationships people have at work and the way in which business decisions are made. According to the Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument, there are five broad conflict management styles. None of these is right or wrong per se, and some may be more appropriate than others in certain situations. However, individuals may have a tendency to use a particular technique in arguments, making it their personal conflict style. Each of the styles is characterised by the balance between assertiveness and cooperation they show.

Competition

• If you feel that you are aggressive or defensive when met with conflict, you may have a competitive conflict management style. This style is weighted far more toward assertiveness than cooperation and is often used in win/lose situations. It can be useful in times when a vital or unpopular decision needs to be made or when a quick outcome is required and may also be appropriate when a person feels he must be assertive to avoid being exploited.

  The competitive conflict style is characterised by the setting forward of your views without considering any opposing opinions, using rank or position as a way to win arguments, standing your ground and making your opinions clear to all others. Individuals using this method of arguing are attempting to put themselves first, ahead of others, and this can lead to a power struggle that may not even have any relevance to the initial disagreement. Another disadvantage of using a competitive conflict management style is that it is not conducive to building long-term relationships because this mode of arguing necessarily requires adversaries, and although there is generally one outright winner to the conflict, there are also many losers.

Collaboration

• If you have a tendency to try to find an outcome to arguments in which everyone involved is a winner, you may be using a collaborative conflict management style. This mode of resolving disagreement is both highly assertive and very cooperative. When using this style, a person acts as a middle man, attempting to find a solution to a problem by bringing everybody's views together. Because of this, the end result of a collaborative discussion may be seen as more creative than any solution just one person could have come up with on his own.

  People with collaborative conflict styles may be more likely to listen to and identify the worries of others involved in the discussion and ensure that any confrontation they pursue is non-threatening. This style may be one of the better approaches to arguments between people who want their relationship to remain intact, as the outcome is one that everybody is satisfied with. Friendships or relations with colleagues may be improved by the use of this technique. However, discussions using the style can take a long time, so it may be less appropriate when deciding small matters.

Compromise

• If your main aim when in arguments or making decisions is to find a middle ground between differing opinions, you may be using a compromising conflict style. This style is moderately assertive and cooperative. This may involve negotiation and giving up part of what you want in order to reach a happy agreement. It requires the ability to facilitate communication within a group.

  This style can be useful when the resolution of conflict is an important aim, when the argument's subject is not of high importance, or as a temporary solution if there is not enough time to properly analyze the situation. It may be appropriate for situations when a solution cannot be reached through either the collaborative or competitive styles. Although approaching conflict in this way may reduce the risk of confrontation and power struggles, the fact that everybody has made concessions to reach a compromise may mean that nobody is truly happy with the end result. This may mean that the outcomes of such discussions are not permanent.

Avoidance

• If you feel that you generally try to keep yourself out of arguments and away from confrontations, your personal conflict style may be avoidance. Some of the reasons people may choose to escape disagreements are because they are afraid of being in such a situation or because they are not confident about their ability to resolve the conflict. This approach is low in assertiveness and cooperation.

  While some people may physically remove themselves from areas of conflict, others may avoid arguments by ignoring the issue at hand or joking about it. This approach is useful at times when a problem is of little concern and is good for those who want to move past problems quickly and easily. In the workplace, it may also be appropriate when there is not a large amount of time to go into the discussion. However, avoidance is often not a long-term solution and could cause problems in relationships and lead to resentment.

Accommodation

• If you feel that you put others' needs first when dealing with disagreements you may have an accommodating personal conflict style. This approach is low in assertiveness but high in cooperativeness. People using this method of dealing with conflict must be able to practice selflessness and be able to put their own desires on the backburner. They may also need to be comfortable taking orders from others.

  This approach could be appropriate for use when the solution to disagreements is not of high importance. It may also be good for keeping the peace and avoiding confrontation. Another advantage of this conflict management style is that it can provide a quick resolution to arguments. However, people who overuse this approach could suffer from low self-esteem and may feel resentment toward others. Additionally, those who keep count of how many times they have allowed another person to get their way may start may begin to feel deserving, as they expect the same treatment from others.