Normal Grief Responses for Children

A grieving child may experience a wide range of emotions. His reaction to loss can be dependent on the nature of the loss, his age and his emotional maturity level. Knowing what you might experience with your grieving child can help you better understand his behaviors, so you don't overreact, or wonder why he's acting a certain way. However, it's possible that your child may need professional help to deal with his grief.

Guilt

• Guilt is a common reaction for a child grieving a loss -- especially a child who's too young to fully understand death and why it happens. The child may believe that he lost a loved one because he misbehaved, or for some other completely illogical reason. Positive reinforcement can help a child realize that he has done nothing wrong, and that his actions didn't play a part in the loss of a loved one.

Regression

• A grieving child may regress to behaviors of an earlier age. He may start wetting the bed, carrying around an old stuffed animal, crying a lot or sucking his thumb. Regressing back to a time when he felt safe is a coping mechanism, and the behavior will likely stop once he accepts the loss and begins to move on. It's important to let the child engage in some of these behaviors without punishing him, as they are beyond his control.

Worry and Fear

• When a child is grieving he may be filled with worry, or fear of the unknown. If a child lost a loved one, even a pet, this may be his first experience of death and he might not fully understand what's going on. The fear of losing other people he cares about will become a burden and may cause anxiety; for example, he may cling to his parents. Parents need to decide the best way to talk to their child about death and mortality, because no two children will grieve in exactly the same way. Some children are mature enough to understand death, while others aren't able to grasp the concept and are better off being told that their loved ones will be around for a long time.

Denial

• Denial is a common part of the grieving process for both children and adults. Most people respond to loss, at least at first, by denying that it happened. It's hard to accept that something so drastic has taken place. Children in denial may continually ask when their lost loved one is coming home. It can be difficult at times to distinguish whether a child is in denial, or if he's simply too young to understand the finality of death. You may need explain more than once that the loved one isn't going to return.