How to Get Back at My Enemies

"I will not leave you until I have seen you hanged!", cries a character in Moliere's comedy "The Mock Doctor." And most of us can relate to this; it's hard to get through life without feeling the urge for revenge at least once. But think twice before giving in. The near-unanimous advice from others who've tried it is, "Don't go there."

Instructions

• 1

  The direct approach has a downside.

  Stop. Breathe. You may agree with this sentiment from Shakespeare's "Hamlet": "And where the offense is, let the great axe fall." It makes sense when you're fighting mad: if your enemy has it coming, give it to him. Retaliate! But those who have tried swinging it report that the great axe has two edges. When you pay back wrong for wrong, you end up hurting yourself as much as your enemy. Those who find this out firsthand tend to be found in courtrooms and, occasionally, prison. So give yourself time to consider the likely consequences of what you want to do. You may decide that the reward isn't worth what it might cost you.

• 2

  Putting laxative into his coffee is not conflict resolution.

  Resist the urge to do something sly instead. If you squash the impulse to go in with all your guns blazing, the itch to do something passive-aggressive is usually the next to hit. The wily J.R. Ewing of "Dallas" expressed the urge neatly: "Like my Daddy always said: If you can't get in the front door, just go around to the back." But while a sneaky revenge might feel good at first, there's a hidden cost, namely, the respect you trade for it. Doing underhanded things costs you self-respect, and if you persist, it will brand you to others as an essentially dishonest and untrustworthy person. So keep it real--and preserve your self-esteem.

• 3

  Releasing an enemy means you go free as well.

  Consider an alternative to revenge. After all, "a man that studies revenge keeps his own wounds green, which otherwise would heal and do well." This proverb, penned by the English statesman Francis Bacon, expresses a truism about revenge repeated the world over: it's a destructive obsession. Maybe that's why so many advocate forgiveness instead. Jesus, Mahatma Gandhi, Martin Luther King Jr. and many others taught that to forgive an enemy is to free yourself. As a side benefit, it makes others think you're wise and mature. Consider this quote from the famous journalist Ralph McGill. Speaking of Eleanor Roosevelt's response to her detractors, he observed: "She got even in a way that was almost cruel. She forgave them."