How to Control Anger & Learn to Manage it

Anger is a normal response to a stressful situation, but sometimes it can get out of control. In an NHS survey for the Mental Health Foundation, 28 percent of adults reported feeling worried about their anger, and 32 percent of people reported having relatives who had problems coping with anger. Anger isn't just a disorder of the mind---it can cause real physical problems, such as heart attacks, depression, colds and flu, and more. These physical symptoms occur in addition to the stressful fights and relationship problems that come with uncontrolled anger. But according to the Anger Research Consortium, anger management is possible, with the right techniques.

Instructions

Recognizing The Signs

• 1

  List the signs of anger you feel before you explode. Mental Help lists signs such as an increase in heart rate with faster breathing, clenching of the jaw, sweating and dizziness. These can be different for everyone. You may have personal ones not listed here. Write them all down and add to the list as they occur.

• 2

  Arrange the list into the order the events happen. This may take some time to do, as you may need to experience them many times to get the order right, but over time you will be able to recognize their presentation.

• 3

  Recognize the signs as they happen. When you are in a stressful situation, or one you know normally causes anger, keep your list close at hand and watch for the first signs of anger building up. If your first sign is faster breathing, take note of your breathing and watch when it gets faster.

• 4

  Escape the stressful situation before anger sets in, if you are able to do so. If there is somewhere quiet you can go and calm down, or any way you can leave, then now is the time to do so, before anger fully sets in.

Breathing

• 5

  Focus on your breathing. The NHS recommends something called diaphragmatic breathing. Place a hand over your chest, and take a deep breath through your nose.

• 6

  Count to three silently, and notice the way your chest moves as you breathe in. Focus on the breath in your lungs and the movement of your diaphragm.

• 7

  Let the breath out slowly through your lips, counting to six. Once again notice the way your chest moves as your breathe out.

Why Are You Angry?

• 8

  Understand your emotional response. Look at the present situation objectively. Why are you suddenly feeling angry? What is it about the situation that is frustrating you? Frustration is often the key to anger, and it can give you clues to the true cause of the problem.

• 9

  Examine the anger response, and the situation it is responding to. Is anger a reasonable way to react? What can you do to alleviate the frustration of the present situation? List all the times you get angry over a month, and look for a reason that keeps repeating itself---perhaps people ignoring you, or putting you down.

• 10

  Study this list, and prepare yourself for situations that you know may cause you anger. Once you know when to expect anger, you can preempt it and catch it before it begins.

Assertive, Not Aggressive

• 11

  Plan a course of action that will alleviate the situation next time it happens. There is nothing wrong with asserting yourself, as long as you are not aggressive. The American Psychological Association recommends assertion in situations that cause anger. If someone is making fun of you or putting you down, plan to respond to this appropriately.

• 12

  Assert yourself. Tell the person or people responsible for your anger that they are making you angry, explain to them that you want them to stop, and make a point of being heard, without shouting, or getting angry. According to the American Psychological Association, people who are constantly criticizing others are likely dealing with suppressed anger themselves, so the person causing you anger may be dealing with anger himself.

• 13

  Regain control of the situation. When you lash out in anger, you are losing control of yourself and the situation you are in. If the person is not responding to your assertive requests, try to walk away---better to walk away than lash out in anger.

• 14

  Communicate your feelings regularly to those close to you. Do not bottle up anger, frustration or disagreements, as they may explode later. The American Psychological Association recommends proper communication as a way to avoid jumping to conclusions that may be inaccurate. Don't just assume in a situation; think, respond then act.

• 15

  Redirect your anger into other, more appropriate situations, such as sports, exercise, or a hobby. According to Anger Management Expert, sometimes it is helpful to channel anger into creative outlets, like dancing, music, writing in a journal, or art.