How to Get Social Skills With People

Whether you suffer from a disability such as ADHD or just shyness, feeling as if you lack the social skills needed to excel in today's world can be a heavy burden. A lack of social skills may cause you to feel withdrawn, become introverted and experience fear, anxiety or conflict with others. If you feel that your social skills are lacking, do not give up. Acquiring stronger social skills is possible and will allow you to interact with others in a positive and more effective way.

Instructions

• 1

  Reduce your anxiety level. Many who lack strong social skills may suffer from underlying anxiety or social anxiety. Get adequate sleep (seven to nine hours) per night, eat a healthy, balanced diet and exercise. Take a "time out" each day to relax, whether it be doing yoga, mediating, having a cup or tea or writing in a journal.

• 2

  Improve your social skills by reading self-help books or using workbooks that are dedicated to developing interpersonal relationships with others (especially if the thought of meeting or socializing with others is presently just too overwhelming for you). Workbooks you may find useful include "The Self-Esteem Workbook" and "The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook." These workbooks list coping skills and contain useful exercises and checklists to more easily manage your emotions and handle stressful situations with others.

• 3

  Surround yourself with more people. Once you have reduced some of your anxiety, make it a point to spend less time home alone and more time in public places. Visit a library, coffee shop, a shopping mall or a park. Surrounding yourself with others will prepare you for one-on-one interactions with real, live people. This will also increase your chances of developing new friendships.

• 4

  Work on your one-on-one communication skills by initiating conversations with others as often as possible. If you are unsure of how to begin, start by complimenting the person (a compliment is usually well-received by almost anyone). While in conversation, listen carefully to what the other is talking about. Make eye contact and nod from time to time, so that the person feels you are really listening. Don't ever interrupt. Ask questions about the other person so that you sound interested. Don't talk too much about yourself or offer up too much private information.

• 5

  Seek counseling. Group counseling may be especially beneficial to improving your social skills, as it will allow you to learn to interact more freely with others, give and receive support, experience a feeling of "belonging" and develop trust. To find a counselor or support group, you can contact your family physician for a referral or see a counselor at your school or university. They will better help determine what type of help is right for you.