How to Bring Up the Emotions in a Man

"Boys don't cry" expresses the widespread male behavioral choice to keep emotions boxed in. Even though a man's brain is wired differently, when it comes to emotions, men's capacity to experience emotions is just as active as women's. The continued choice of not expressing emotions "because that's what a real man does" doesn't stop the emotions from happening. Often this doesn't create a happy or healthy life for men and people around them, and prevents them from being fully themselves. When the emotional load is too much, men snap. There is a better or alternate choice.

Things You'll Need

• Understanding
• Patience
• Safe environment

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Instructions

• 1

  Understand some important, basic facts before attempting to bring up emotions in men:

  "Men are hard-wired differently," says David Powell, Ph.D., president of the International Center for Health Concerns.

  "Men express fewer emotions, express them less fully, and are more willing to express emotions likely to be viewed as demonstrating power or control...For example, pride, anger and jealousy," say Christina Lee and R. Glynn Owens in The Psychology of Men's Health.

  "Emotions live in the background of a man's life and the foreground of a woman's...Testosterone dampens feelings in men, who compartmentalize and intellectualize more," says Josh Coleman, Ph.D., psychologist/author of The Lazy Husband. "Women seem naturally more in touch with their emotions, while men have to work at it. But when they do, it's a win-win situation. They discover a whole new dimension of themselves. Their relationships are happier, and they're happier, too."

• 2

  Create a safe environment. For a man to bring up and express emotions he must go against social, educational and behavioral choices that loudly scream "Be cool! Be a man!" in the most delicate of cases. Therefore, the man has to feel safe when prompted to bring up and express emotion. If he feels bullied, threatened, forced, let alone ridiculed and belittled, he will respond in kind and walk away. Understand that it feels unusual, if not unnatural, to express emotion, and make it clear that he will not be judged, punished or ridiculed for expressing what he has inside.

• 3

  Be patient, whether you are the man attempting to express emotions or the recipient of the emotion. It takes time, but it gets easier. Find a creative outlet. Find a hobby that you as a man are passionate about. Release anger and stress through physical exercise. When you are about to snap, take time out and do push ups, take a 10-minute walk or run, or shoot some hoops. Let the stress out of your body in a safe and healthy way, then attempt to express yourself slowly and calmly.

• 4

  Don't fear the discomfort. "Rather than avoiding a feeling you're not sure how to handle, move toward it," says psychologist Travis Bradberry, Ph.D., co-author of The Emotional Intelligence Quick Book. "Learning to handle emotions takes time and practice because you need to retrain your brain, but it does get easier."

• 5

  Take little steps. Start communicating your emotions to people who love you and understand you, and preface it with "This isn't easy for me..." or something similar. Express "a little" emotion. "Start with feelings you can control, find a sympathetic ear and use the term 'a little,' " Coleman says. Saying you feel "a little" sad or "a little" scared may be easier.