How to Stop Wallowing in Self Pity

It's all too easy to get stuck in the rut of feeling sorry for yourself. Bad things happen to everyone, and many of them simply aren't fair. But as you may have discovered, sitting around and feeling gloomy about the fact that bad things have happened to you can lead to missing opportunities to have more positive experiences. You are the only one who can take those all-important first steps down the road to making changes in your life.

Instructions

• 1

  Focus on the positive aspects of your life, even all you can list is your hope that your life could be better than it currently is. Hopes and dreams are a starting point. Build on that and list everything that you appreciate, then review the list regularly.

• 2

  Put things into perspective by reading the D.H. Lawrence poem entitled "Self Pity". Think about how important the things you are dwelling on will be in 100 years. Seek out literature on the importance of choosing your attitudes, such as the book "Man's Search for Meaning" by Viktor Frankl, and contemplate the message.

• 3

  Take responsibility for your own life rather than always believing you're a victim. If negative things are happening to you, think about actions that you can take to change your situation. For example, if you've been passed over for a promotion at work, have a heart-to-heart conversation with your boss about the reasons you were passed over and try to address them. If you're not satisfied with your boss's reasons, market your resume to other employers.

• 4

  Develop realistic goals and start working on achieving them. Start with something small and within an easier reach. Before you set a goal of winning a marathon, either literally or metaphorically, try entering a shorter-distance run. Success with a smaller goal will build up your confidence in your ability to achieve a larger one.

• 5

  Do something positive for yourself that will improve your self-image. Having more self-confidence will reduce your ability to pity yourself. Get a makeover, try a new hairdo or upgrade your wardrobe.

• 6

  Do something positive for someone else. Give an unexpected gift to a friend or loved one, or spend some time working in a local soup kitchen. See your actions make a difference to someone else, especially someone else who is in need and who is facing a worse situation than the one on which you are dwelling.

• 7

  Speak to a mental health professional if you feel you're suffering from depression. You might need more help than you can get from simple attitude adjustment. Sometimes, feeling bad has to do with biological factors as much those that are psychological, and in such cases it is much better to seek out the help you need than to try to tough things out on your own.