How to Get Out of Boring Conversations

People seem to be everywhere these days. And even worse, they seem to want to talk. And not just about fun stuff like light sockets, Russ Meyer films and Mexican hairless dogs, but about issues salient to society like politics, sports and the weather. If you find yourself cornered by one of these jabber jaws at a party or public place, fret not. There are a few ways to escape the loose-lipped shackles of boring conversations.

Instructions

• 1

  Use strange and big words to make the person want to stop talking to you. "Paradigm" is a good one because its vague meaning can be thrown around to reference anything. Though the word isn't that big (3 syllables), "paradigm" can simultaneously sound like jargon and shift the subject matter at hand to something in which you have more interest.

• 2

  Talk in unnecessary acronyms. This rule is relatively easy, or should I say T.R.I.R.E. Flip the script and ask the talker a question like, "What do you think of T.S.O.A?" (The State Of Art). If they don't know what you're talking about or think it's a band, shake your head like they should have known, explain your acronym and politely excuse yourself to G.G.A.D (Go Get A Drink). I can't stress the importance of facial expression when employing this tactic. Smugness goes a long way.

• 3

  Act insane. Start twitching or look at the person as if onion dip is dripping from their ears. They'll get freaked out and walk away.

• 4

  Act jaded. This tactic works best when confronted with the myriad of daunting current events that seem to never stop occurring. Anybody can get out of a conversation about the upcoming election by feigning political ennui and saying, "I just had this conversation 5 minutes ago."