How to Be Less of a Control Freak

People act like control freaks to avoid the unpleasant feelings associated with giving up control. If you behave this way and want to be less of a control freak, you must learn to tolerate the unpleasant feelings. Learning how to change the thoughts that lead to these unpleasant feelings and drive the controlling behaviors will help reduce your need for control. Learning how to tolerate the distress caused by not being in control can be helpful as well. At first, giving up control feels uncomfortable for people who have tried to remain in control of everything for a long time, but it gets easier with practice.

Instructions

Recognizing Thoughts

• 1

  Learn to recognize the thoughts that lead to your controlling behaviors. For example, thoughts such as, "Susie won't do this as well as I do," or "If I don't take over, it will be a disaster," will cause you to want to remain in control all the time.

• 2

  Replace these thoughts with more realistic thoughts. For example, "There's more than one right way to handle this situation" provides a more realistic portrait of many situations and helps reduce stress.

• 3

  Determine a realistic worst-case scenario. Control freaks tend to overestimate how horrible an outcome might be; evaluate realistically what would happen if someone else were in control. For example, thinking, "If my husband does not iron his shirt, his clothes will be wrinkled, but he'll go to work anyway and be OK" shows you that the outcome will not be catastrophic. Recognizing that nothing horrible will happen helps reduce your anxiety and the need to control everything.

Acknowledging Feelings

• 4

  Learn how to recognize the feelings associated with not being in control. Pay attention to feelings of anxiety, fear, frustration, anger or sadness.

• 5

  Use coping strategies to deal with these uncomfortable feelings, such as taking a break, deep breathing exercises or listening to music.

• 6

  Practice tolerating the uncomfortable feelings associated with giving up control. Repeated exposure to these feelings will decrease their intensity.

Altering Behaviors

• 7

  Recognize small situations to practice not being in control. Ask other people for ideas and opinions on how to complete a task. Be open to trying other people's suggestions.

• 8

  Practice allowing others to take over certain responsibilities. Experiment with giving up control and tolerating the associated discomfort.

• 9

  Begin giving up control in more important situations. Allow others to take on more responsibilities and trust them to complete their tasks.