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What Causes Men to Feel Like They Do not Deserve Love?

The ability to openly express and receive love is a valuable attribute in relationships. Relationship expert David Hawkins suggests there are two broad reasons why some people cannot easily allow themselves to ask for or let love in: they are afraid of it, or they feel they don't deserve it. Depending on factors that include his past experiences and his perspective of the future, a man may feel as though he does not deserve love.

  1. Childhood Experiences

    • A man's childhood experiences may affect whether he believes that he is worthy of receiving love. From his relationship with his mother and father to how he was shown affection and taught respect as a child, all are relevant to a man's beliefs about himself. If childhood experiences led a man to feel devalued or if he faced verbal, emotional or physical abuse, the possibility of his feeling unworthy of love increases.

    Past Relationships

    • The positive and negative aspects of past relationships may affect whether a man believes that he deserves love. Romantic relationships as well as friendships influence a man's ability to give and receive love. Personal and professional strategy coach Jonathan Wells suggests that when a man has the respect of his mate, it actually makes him want to become a better person. Men can become jaded and take personally the failures of past relationships, which may lead to feelings of unworthiness when he enters new relationships.

    Self-Perception

    • For a man, self-perception is key to his entire world. According to licensed psychologist Dr. Manjit Khalsa, a man's deepest fear is that he is not good enough. Simply put, if a man is not satisfied with himself, chances are he won't believe that anyone else thinks highly of him either. How a man rates the success of what's important to him, such as his career and ability to provide, may determine whether he believes that he deserves love.

    Future Fears

    • If a man is insecure about the direction of his life, a possibility exists that he will withdraw and build walls that make his reception to love impossible. Plagued with fears of the future, he will question his ability to love outside himself and therefore feel as though he does not deserve love from anyone.

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