How to Resolve an Identity Crisis

Before Freud radically perturbed the orthodox view of identity, conventional thinking considered it an inborn attribute, unfolding naturally with maturation until an individual reached her destiny, her natural identity. Identity conflicts were regarded as illnesses. But with Freud's momentous discoveries about the workings of the unconscious mind, no one could possess a stable identity. Human subjectivity ineluctably involves an active but unconscious dimension, a dimension which inevitably divides identity. Whatever someone believes about himself, a dissenting part of his personality will resist and conflict with his "authorized" (or preferred) opinion. Resolution involves learning to listen to these conflicting inner viewpoints.

Things You'll Need

• Portable pocket notebook
• Ball pen
• A quiet, relaxing room
• A comfortable armchair or couch

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Instructions

Integration - the Key to Healing Identity Conflicts

• 1

  Psychoanalyst Adam Phillips once described the unconscious as that inner voice which joins in our everyday conversations without ever fitting in. This applies to inner dialogues, too -- those ubiquitous inner debates people everywhere stage with imaginary interlocutors. Resolving identity conflicts involves living with the competing versions of ourselves, the parts of the personality which resist conformity with coercive norms, social conventions and social authorities. Watch out for certain tricks human minds typically play with these other views, though. Splitting and projection complicate the listening process.

• 2

  Try sitting in a quiet room alone. Relax -- Freud encouraged his patients to recline on a couch -- and let your mind wander. Imagine your thoughts as scenes passing by as though you were on a moving train looking through a window. Do this for no more than 50 minutes but get into the habit of doing it every day, or at least several times a week. Don't worry too much about "understanding" what you find yourself thinking about yet but keep notes in your notepad about what occurs to you. If a thought spontaneously intrudes into your mind elsewhere, write it down as soon as you can.

• 3

  As Adam Phillips has argued, what you happen to think about is often more enlightening than what you try to think about. Take note of what falls out of your mental pockets, in Phillips' terminology, rather than focusing on a specific issue. Truth slips in to our thoughts in spite of our intentions but rarely makes an appearance on command. As you write up your mental wanderings, notice who preoccupies your thoughts, what they are saying to you and how they are saying it. If you can, jot down your previous night's dreams upon waking in the same way.

• 4

  Remember: the "others" in your thoughts aren't real people. Psychoanalyst Joyce McDougall suggests thinking of your mind as a theater -- you select all the "actors" who appear in your dreams and thoughts and give them the lines they speak, even if you base them on real events. What stays in your mind amounts to a choice -- we all ignore some things and cling on to others. Now for the hard part: think of these others, no matter how unpleasant, discordant or plain eccentric they appear, as unintegrated aspects of your own personality, the parts of yourself you would prefer to attribute to other people.

• 5

  For example, an aggressive, uncouth colleague you dislike at work might represent a more assertive and abrasive version of yourself, at odds with your own self-suffocating conformity and compliance. An intimidating boss might depict a harsh aspect of your own conscience, which you overcompensate for in your actual behavior through self-destructive permissiveness or excessive generosity. A friend having an affair may represent a more adventurous side to your normally prudish and censorious character -- and so on. What you notice in the world often coincides with what you desire but refuse yourself.