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Emotional Stages After Divorce

According to statistics from the National Center for Health Statistics, 840,000 people divorced in 2009, the last year for which statistics were available at time of publication. That adds up to three in every 1,000 people in the United States. Even when the divorce is wanted, there are a plethora of emotions that soon-to-be ex-spouses experience. You can break these down into four stages, according to New Mexico's Commission on Women.

  1. Shock and Disbelief

    • Shock and disbelief may not a stage noted for a lot of anger. Even if the divorce was wanted, there may be a lot of blaming the spouse for the reasons behind the divorce. Many people feel guilty and may slip into a depressed state. This first stage of divorce may be the hardest to deal with and the person will need the most emotional support from friends and family at this time.

    Initial Adjustment

    • Life must go on and during the initial adjustment stage of divorce the person begins to adjust to the reality of the situation. However, the emotions are still raw. It is during this time that a person may begin to grieve the end of the marriage and the plans she had made with the other person.

      She may still be angry and if she feels wronged, may want to seek revenge on her ex-spouse. Dealing with the emotions while rebuilding life after divorce makes this one of the most challenging stages. Many seek counseling to help deal with the emotions.

    Reorganizing

    • Reorganizing can be an exciting stage for a divorced person. Usually, his grieving is almost over and he is looking toward the future. He makes plans about where he will live in the future. Some totally redesign their lives and change careers and maybe move into a new home. However, there will likely be some lingering hurt from the divorce. But as long as that hurt doesn't lead to depression and stall plans for the new life, those feelings are normal.

    A New Life

    • At some point the person accepts the circumstances of the divorce, whether she likes it or not. She begins to form new relationships, some even romantic, and redefine the old ones. Much of the anger has disappeared at this point. Here is where the person realizes that she is truly single and responsible for her own life---financially, physically, socially, spiritually and emotionally. The marriage is finally behind her and the future ahead.

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