Bargaining in the Five Stages of Grief

The five stages of grief, also known as the Kübler-Ross grief cycle, is a term that describes the process of coping with substantial loss or heavy emotional turmoil. After going through the five stages, people come to peace with what happened and can move on. The five stages are denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. They don't always happen in that order, and there is no rule on how long each will last.

What is Bargaining?

• Bargaining is the phase of the grieving process in which people start to wish for more time to prevent the loss, or to have an option of going back in time and changing what has occurred. In some cases, bargaining also becomes a tool of preventing change and holding on to the status quo, when the alternative is too painful to bear.

The Ways of Barganing

• People can bargain in two ways: with themselves or with a greater power. A common result is making promises to God in exchange for preventing the loss or changing the painful situation. When bargaining with themselves, people may make promises involving the person who is ill, like being a better spouse to an ill marital partner if they'll just get better.

Why Do People Bargain?

• Bargaining essentially brings hope, or the illusion of hope, to a hopeless situation. By offering something in exchange for the happy resolution of a sad situation, the sufferer perceives an option of a positive outcome. This can be a comforting notion before acceptance has settled in.

How To Deal?

• Ultimately, when the bargaining is finished, acceptance sets in and the grieving process resolves. The urge to bargain will subside when the sufferer is ready to let go and move on.