The Best Ways to Handle Conflict

Whether you're at home or at work, there is no avoiding conflict. Conflicts arise when there is a difference in values, actions, views or direction. Rather than hiding or ignoring conflicts at work or in a relationship, try handling them with a few basic skills in negotiation and compromise. The goal in resolving a conflict is not to declare a winner, but rather to come to an agreement that benefits both sides of the disagreement.

State the Problem

• Many people have a difficult time expressing exactly what it is they are upset by or in disagreement about. If the conflict has been brewing for a while, it is likely the true nature of the problem has become diluted by other grievances and petty annoyances. Take a step back and write down exactly what is frustrating you. Ask yourself what the true source of the conflict is and how it makes you feel. Then write about how you would like to see the situation resolved. Taking time to sort out your own thoughts and feelings prior to a conversation with a co-worker, family member or friend helps you stay calm and be clear as you work toward a resolution.

Problem Solving

• Conflict is not always a bad thing. Out of conflict can come creative solutions to old problems or a renewed sense of camaraderie from having made it through a difficult challenge. Approach conflict as you would any problem to be solved. If the conflict is in the workplace, gather the parties in disagreement together and conduct a brainstorming session. Ask each person to list creative solutions to the conflict, no matter how silly or unlikely the solutions might sound. As a group, decide on what seems like the best solution to implement. Agree to a timeline to review the effectiveness of the solution. This leaves room for further refinement or for trying a new approach if the first one doesn't meet expectations.

Compromise

• Instead of trying to win a conflict with your partner or co-worker, work together toward a compromise. Set aside time for a conversation when you are not tired from work or in a hurry to be somewhere. Make certain you both know what the conversation is about so neither party feels caught off guard. Begin by looking for places in the conflict where you both agree. For example, if you are in disagreement about who is responsible for cooking dinner, you can agree that home-cooked meals are important to your family. Explore options for compromise that make you both feel you are part of the solution.

Third Parties

• Some conflicts are simply too big to be handled alone. In the workplace, if you are finding it difficult to resolve a conflict, enlist the help of your supervisor or a human resources manager. You are not telling on the person, rather you are asking for someone else to join the conversation to help you both find a resolution. In a relationship or marriage you might, as a couple, seek the advice of trusted friends or go see a counselor. The most important thing is to actively work toward a resolution.