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Stages of Grieving in a Relationship

When a relationship ends, it is very common for the involved parties to go through a grieving process. This is the same grieving process that people go through after the death of a loved one, which is a different type of ending, but an ending all the same. Regardless of an individual's exact grieving process, there are five stages of grief that are commonly recognized. It is possible, however, for a person to skip a stage or to experience the stages in a different order.

  1. Denial

    • Denial is often the first step in the grieving process. During the denial phase, people convince themselves that the relationship has not really ended. A person in denial anticipates that a misunderstanding or miscommunication has caused a problem in the relationship and that, like other fights or problems, the situation will be resolved as soon as the two parties talk to each other. Someone in denial may constantly wait for the telephone call or visit that will solve the problem and make things as they were before.

    Anger

    • Denial is often followed by anger. The realization that the lost loved one is not coming back creates feelings of anger. This anger can take many different forms and is not always well directed. Some people get angry with the former partner while others may get angry with themselves, according to Dr. Jim A. Talley, Ph.D of Relationship Resources, Inc. Other people just get angry in general rather than at one person.

    Bargaining

    • During this phase of the process, the grieving person will promise just about anything to anyone in exchange for getting the relationship back to where it once was. People may try to bargain with the universe or a higher power by, for example, promising to go to church again if they can get the person back. Other people try bargaining directly with their former partner, promising to change if that person will come back.

    Depression

    • Depression often accompanies acknowledgment. When the grieving person realizes that the situation can't be changed, he or she may be overwhelmed with a sense of hopelessness. At this stage, the person knows the former partner is not coming back -- and is equally certain that this means he or she can never be happy again. According to Counseling for Modern Life, this stage of grief is often marked by a strong sense of loss and feelings of hopelessness.

    Acceptance

    • Although it may feel like it will never come, acceptance is the final stage of grief. At this stage, the grieving person has dealt with most of the strong emotions associated with the end of the relationship and is able to function again. Life at this stage may not be perfect or even quite back to normal, but it is possible to move on from what has happened and start going forward with life.

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