Stages and Tasks of Grief

Grief arises from myriad losses, from losing a home to losing a loved one. Although everyone experiences grief at some time, the feelings and process are unique to each individual. Factors in how grief affects someone include the timing of the loss (sudden or prolonged); the nature of the relationship to a situation, pet or person; the quality of the relationship, past and current; personality; and extenuating life circumstances, such as other stresses. Although grief varies, certain stages or tasks tend to arise. Preparing for and identifying these can help with the painful process and mitigate feeling of isolation.

Stages and Tasks of Grief

• Stages and tasks of grief offer a path to follow.

  The model of grief stages was introduced by Dr. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross in 1969 to help people cope with terminal illness. Someone does not necessarily move through the stages in order. The five stages are: denial and isolation; anger; bargaining; acceptance; resolution. Some grief counselors add shock and disorganization as well. Shock includes an initial numbness. Resolution can include a return to a healthy life including a willingness to love again.

  In the 1980s, Dr. J.W. Worden used a model of tasks to scaffold the grief process. A person must actively complete each task. The tasks are: accepting the reality of the loss; experiencing the pain of grief; adjusting to life with the loss; moving on.

Denial and Acceptance

• Acceptance is essential to grieving.

  The stages start with denial. A person does not want to accept loss.

  Accepting a loss, as a task, is necessary to heal from it. Talking about the loss may ease acceptance.

Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Working Through

• Working through grief takes time.

  Anger can be a sign of acceptance. Bargaining draws on hopes of controlling the situation. Crying or isolation can be signs of depression. Experts vary on how much and what kind of condolences to offer. Indications of prolonged sadness or a desire to "give up" are warning signs; a professional should be consulted immediately.

  Working through grief requires talking and time. A professional might recommend other therapies as well.

Acceptance and Adjustment and Resolution

• Acceptance and resolution indicate grieving has occurred.

  Acceptance is the final stage of grief. Acceptance includes preparation and adjustments.

  Adjustment is the fourth task of grief. Adjustment includes redefining relationships and circumstances, structuring a life to include the loss and to adopt concrete tasks such as learning new skills.

  Resolution includes moving on. The loss is accepted and, though it still evokes sadness, does not prevent living fully again.

The Seriousness of Grief

• An individual's grief must be treated with respect, care and guidance.

  Whether looking to stages or tasks, grief requires the assistance of loved ones, community and, often, professionals. An individualized emotion, grief follows no set pattern or time line. Whenever sadness is prolonged and severe, interfering with daily self-care, for example, a mental health professional should be consulted.