How to Help Your Teen Over a Break Up

Teen break ups can be traumatic. Often teenagers truly believe they are deeply in love and that such relationships will last a lifetime. More often than not, however, they are simply teenage crushes--but the mental and emotional devastation they experience is very real. Help your teen through a break up by being a shoulder to cry on and a good listener, while watching to see if more serious signs are present.

Listen

• If parents could be given one major helpful hint on dealing with any facet of teenage living, it would be to talk less and listen more. When a teenager experiences a painful break up, she's not likely to want to hear about a break up you experienced decades before, and how the relationship turned out to be meaningless or overrated. She most certainly doesn't want to hear that old adage, "There are more fish in the sea," because at the present time such a notion seems absurd.

  Listen to what she says. Give her a shoulder to cry on. Reassure her that you love her very much and that you truly feel sorry for the pain she is experiencing.

Allow Space

• Sometimes parental ears are the last things teenagers want when faced with a break up. Instead they turn to their closest friends to cry, vent or discuss what may have gone wrong. This doesn't mean parents should stay mute about the topic. Just state your piece, offer your availability and move on.

  Do not, however, in any way let this be the end of your parenting with regard to the situation. Watch your child closely. Listen to conversations he is having in your proximity, and try to gauge how your child is handling the situation.

When to Seek Help

• There are times when it's imperative to seek outside help. If he becomes very depressed and the depression lasts more than a week or so, it's time to intervene. If there are comments from your teen regarding suicide or feeling worthless, unlovable or disgusting, it's time for even more immediate help.

  Start by calling your pediatrician. She may want to first speak with your teen and then refer him to a counselor or she may offer a name and number to you immediately. Make it clear that you expect your teen to speak with the counselor a few times and that his conversations will be confidential. Attend the initial meeting with the counselor and reiterate the confidentiality at that time.

  Follow up by having frequent conversations with your teen about her progress and enlist the help of her friends if needed. You needn't be sneaky. Simply ask "Does Mary still seem really upset to you since she and Jason broke up?" It will open lines of communication and hopefully help you garner some good and useful information.