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What are the Signs of Verbal Abuse in a Relationship?

Verbal abuse is common in many marriages but is not always easy to identify because the abuser can manipulate the victim's feelings, damage the person's self-esteem, and exert control over their life in and outside the home. The abuse is psychological and can cause damage over the long-term. Victims often react by questioning their judgment and own competence. It can be as destructive as physical abuse and often can lead to violence.

  1. The Aggressor

    • Any person can be a verbal abuser. While it is generally men who verbally abuse their wives, girlfriends and children, the reverse can be true. It's also not limited to marriage or heterosexual relationships. It can be perpetrated not only by women, but immediate family members such as parents, brothers or sisters, and even offspring.

    Manipulation

    • Perhaps the most common sign is manipulation by ignoring or ridiculing a partner or criticizing her behavior, choice of clothing or cooking skills, or by making false accusations or manipulating a person to influence her decision-making by employing guilt or some other method.

    Yelling

    • No matter what the content of a screaming or yelling incident, the mere fact that the voice is raised consistently in a relationship intimidates the partner into not demonstrating free expression or what is commonly referred to as "walking on egg shells."

    Threats

    • Threats, no matter in what context or tone, should be taken seriously and never ignored. They can include threats to kill a partner, child or a family pet. It also includes threats to commit suicide if a person considers leaving the relationship, the threat to damage property, or threats to break confidences in family matters to outsiders.

    Blame

    • Verbal abusers often blame the victim for the aggressor's inappropriate behavior. The most common is telling a partner or family member that "you made me do it" and "it's your fault" for the verbal abuse. Abusers do not take responsibility and make excuses for the actions.

    Public Humiliation

    • Abusers often attempt to humiliate their partner or family member in public places or in front of friends and relatives to project superiority and to humble or embarrass the victim. Victims respond by usually apologizing for the abuser's behavior or feel inclined to explain the aggressor's behavior.

    Jealousy

    • Extreme jealousy can be a clear sign of verbal abuse when the abuser insists on detailed explanations for absences or recitations of conversations with friends or acquaintances. Relentless probing of workplace relationships or motives for activities without the aggressor, such as going to a movie or sporting event without the partner, is a form of verbal abuse.

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