How to Confess to Lying

In small doses, lying is a natural protective behavior. Everyone lies at some point in their lives, and often these lies serve good purposes. Sometimes, though, the lies get out of hand and begin causing harm personally, legally or at work. When your lying gets to this point, it is time to confess to it. Read on to learn more.

Instructions

• 1

  Determine why you lied. Sometimes people lie for genuinely good reasons such as to protect themselves or to avoid hurting others. Lying is usually influenced by guilt or by the desire to appear better than you feel you are. If you know why you lied, you can better understand the type of confession you should make.

• 2

  Think about why you want to confess. A vague sense of moral guilt demands a different type of confession than does a realization that you are hurting someone you love. The possible career or legal harm that can come to you through certain types of lies will also lead to a different sort of confession.

• 3

  Decide who to confess to. If your lies are causing damage to personal relationships, you probably want to confess directly to those people. For moral issues, discuss your lies with a trusted friend, counselor or religious worker. At work, confess your lies to a supervisor who you trust, even if she is not your immediate supervisor. Legally, you should first discuss the lies with your lawyer.

• 4

  Confess anonymously, if you must. Sometimes there is no specific person you can confess your lie to. You can create an effective ritual by writing your lies down and then burning the paper on which you wrote them, or you can send your confession in to PostSecret, a website that solicits anonymous postcards to reveal secrets of all sorts.

• 5

  Plan a meeting. You will want the meeting to be private so you can talk openly, but sometimes it can be helpful for it to be in a public place. For personal discussions, a neutral location will help you and your loved one stay in control of emotions.

• 6

  Present your confession and apologize fully. When you confess to lying, take full responsibility for your lies and do not imply that another person forced you into the situation. If you are defensive or accusatory, your confession is not sincere. Also explain why you initially felt like you had to lie, why you now feel that the lies were wrong and how you plan to change your behavior in the future.

• 7

  Prepare to accept the consequences. A confession can clear the way for reconciliation-but it can also lead to unpleasant consequences like a lack of trust and anger from those you lied to. Keep in mind, though, that it's better that people find out your lies from you rather than discovering them on their own. At least you have shown that you have some morals.

• 8

  Make efforts to be more trustworthy. Regardless of how your confession is received, focus on becoming a more honest person. If your lying made you feel bad about yourself, this is a way to make yourself-and those around you-feel better.