How to Deal With a Cranky Husband after Heart Surgery

It is not surprising that some, though not all, cardiac post-operative patients show changes in mood and behavior. According to simpleheart.org many of the issues that occur after heart surgery may not be recognized and discussed. The event (perhaps a heart attack) and the operation often detract from the more minor, but nevertheless unpleasant, post-operative problems, such as sternum pain, constipation and tiredness. In addition the patient has had a life-threatening illness and is likely to be frightened and even angry. All this frustration and fear can manifest in becoming irritable and unreasonable toward spouses and caregivers.

Instructions

• 1

  Encourage your husband to follow the advice of the heart specialists as closely as possible. This will probably involve exercise, diet and lifestyle changes. Help as much as you can, for instance, joining him on a daily walk (if he wants you to), and learning some healthy recipes. However, do not cross the line and take over his recovery. If he controls his own recovery, this will help him psychologically as well as physically.

• 2

  Expect some behavioral changes and some frustration, but do not tread on eggshells. This will merely reinforce unacceptable behavior. Do not get into a pattern of arguing. Choose a time when things are calm and going well and discuss how it makes you feel when he snaps at you. It is important to stop this situation from deteriorating.

• 3

  Encourage your husband to join a cardiac rehabilitation program. Apart from the physical benefits, meeting and talking with other post-operative cardiac patients will be very helpful. Suggest enjoyable things that both of you can do together, or look forward to doing. This may be a short break or just a trip to the theater.

• 4

  Discuss other underlying worries that might be adding to your husband's stress; but do this sensitively. He may be worried about his future at work or finances. Accept the support of others. Recognize that you cannot be everything to your husband. You may need to encourage him to spend time with a male relative or friend, who will be more objective -- this bit of distance can remove the pressure on him.